Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
