you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
