i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
