My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
