You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
