Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize