can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
