Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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