I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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