I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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