The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
40s are totally the cure
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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