he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Come share oat with me in your robe
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
