I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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