**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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