i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
