Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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