I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
