She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
