I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i love accidental penises.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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