You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
