I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
