i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
