hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
