thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize