so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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