went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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