I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
