I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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