i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I stole a fireplace last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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