I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I need water and some morals
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
