Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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