I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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