i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
