Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
