I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
