Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
dude. I can hear the air.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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