So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
