no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
