The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize