how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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