Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
