So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
