i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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