Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
