You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize