hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
