Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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