I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
