either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
