This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
