i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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