I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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