We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
