end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We have started to decorate penises.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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