their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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