The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
