If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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