If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
