I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
