I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
