She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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