Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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