so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
