I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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