Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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