a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
