Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
