You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dicks are not precious.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
