if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Couch. On fire.
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