If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
