I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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