garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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