Where did you get a picture of my penis
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize