Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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